Danny Almonte: Cheater, Pitcher...and Husband?

This is one of the biggest WTF stories of the year. (WTF, for all of you who don't know, is short for what the f--k.) I was perusing ESPN.com, checking up on the scores and the columns, taking in a little Bill Simmons, when all of a sudden I saw this little headline: Almonte, 19-year-old prospect, weds 30-year-old women. I was stunned. At first I thought it was a prank, maybe a little delayed April Fools humor. But it wasn't. Apparently Almonte, the little boy in the Little League World Series who didn't seem so little, has married a 30-year-old Manhattan hair stylist. While other teens his age are still struggling to get to second base, Almonte is already jacking three-run homers. Almonte was always ahead of the curve, first dominating prepubescent little leaguers and then high schoolers. Although he is in his 5th year of High School (something tells me Almonte wasn't accepted into AP Art History) Almonte is considered a prospect and will probably be drafted in June. This means that Almonte might have to leave his elderly sugar bunny to go play some ball. One has to wonder how this relationship started. Danny at least can tell his little friends that he's bangin' an older lady, but what can this women say? She's getting it on with a 19-year-old? That's barely legal. Sorry, I just don't see how this happened. But one thing is clear. Danny Almonte beat Derek Jeter in the race to marriage. Looking back on Almonte's fabled career as a cheating little leaguer, it seems pretty improbable that he would actually end up with a wife before Derek Jeter. It's sad, and quite funny, in many ways. Keep pitching Danny Almonte, you're what America is all about!